Single in L.A.

WOW!
3 months earlier

I had ventured into online dating (again – due to the badgering of some of the panel to “explore all options). I mentioned here that I seemed to be some type of Black man repellant, on and off line. On this particular site, not one Black man EVER winked, e-mailed, chatted – nada. Hmmm. I thought nothing of it really because I’ve always attracted all man kind, some more than others.

Anyway, I’d begun some friendly daily IMing with *Aneef (hailing from London via Sri Lanka).

LONDON 

Sri Lanka 

He was very cool, we had a lot in common, but I’m an the queen of “what if.” Like what if we meet and he drags me into a dark back alley while pretending to make sure I get to my car safely, and Haute is never to be heard from again? That kind of “what if.” I know it could happen with anyone you meet, but those are that thoughts that essentially doom me in the online dating world.

But I’m nothing if not daring. And I’m for adding more diversity to my rainbow tribe comrades. Besides, I knew – I just KNEW some witty tale would come of it. So we (tried) to make plans for lunch. But between the sorority, my [other philanthropic membership] duties, numerous social commitments and life in general I was never able to meet up with him. But we kept in touch until he went on 5 week “holiday” across Europe.

3 weeks ago

I’m online booking one of several upcoming flights across the states when I see that my cousin is online and decide to leave my permanent “invisible to all” status. I sign on. She signs off and Aneef signs on – almost simultaneously. If I don’t call men, you know I don’t say “hi” first online.

He instantly greets me warmly. Tells me that he’s just returned from his travels and is still interested in getting together. Of course you are. We catch up for about 20 minutes when out of the blue he types
Aneef: When was the last time you had sex?
Haute: __________________ (that’s me flatlining)
A: Didn’t mean to offend you, just thought I’d ask. Sorry.
H: Not offended, shocked.
A: LOL. Well?
H: Sheesh! Honestly (full disclosure here people)?
A: Of course.
H: Over a year.
A: WHAT??? I can’t believe that. Why?
H: What do you mean ‘why?’ Shit happens.
A: In that case…
H: ????
A: We should have sex..this weekend.
H: Huh????
A: Yeah, it’s been a few months for me too.
H:__________________________________ (I’m really gone now)
A: Seriously! We’re attracted to each other. Can I have sex with you on Saturday??

I can’t go into the rest (it’s too much for your sweet little eyes). But the moral to the story is – learn to speak French: you would’ve known what I was going to say just based on the title. Oh, and men NEVER surprise me – no matter where they’re from. For once I’d like a man to NOT try and sleep with me instantly.

Added to my “Not Entering My 30s” list: Aneef. 

The ORIGINAL “Lady Marmalade” bye LaBelle (in case you STILL aren’t clear on the title :-)

In my “Still Alive” post I tried to catch you guys up on the goings on. I mentioned a mini make out session. By the way, I’ve had another since then – with a completely different guy no less (oh the tales that came from that…) I’ve become what The Panel and I are calling a “Kissing Slut.” 
I spoke with my cousin the other night about this and we both laughed our boy cut panties off at the irony. I HATED kissing and any signs of affection. If I did kiss you (my beau) it had to be a super special occasion. You’d really only know I liked you by the mere fact that I kept you around. 

I can actually think of boyfriends form back in the day that used to BEG for even a peck. Now, apparently, you say hello to me and if the mood is right you get more than just a little bit of sugar. But no sex (even funnier! And a little sad).

So, I guess that’s one thing I don’t mind taking into my 30s. I’ve grown into a more (selectively) affectionate chick. Who knows, maybe in my 30s I’ll actually LOVE someone in return!

Stranger things have happened.

If you’re in L.A. there’s a Kiss N Grind party this Friday at Cicada. I am SO there! Gotta get my kisses any way possible.

They’re called your “ex” for a reason. 

Keeping with the theme of things that need not enter my 30s along with me, I’d like to add to the list. My Ex. I can’t seem to shake him. I’ve lived in L.A. for nearly 5 years and 3 ½ of those years have been (semi) consumed with him.

We officially broke up nearly two years ago. I don’t do break-ups to make-up so we’ve never gotten back together. I will go long periods of time without answering his calls and neglecting to acknowledge his presence. Then I either get soft or, quite honestly, “needy” ( if you catch my drift).

Last December I told him to stop calling me (for like the 10th time) because our friendship is basically useless, unhealthy and only beneficial to one of us (e.g. him). He never stopped calling, but I stopped answering – until about 2 months ago.

Go over to Much Ado About Nothing and search for “Harold.” You can read all about some of his ridiculous shenanigans. At the same time you might think that detracts from my Haute factor. You’ll be wrong. Consider my near year long time with him community service hours. Don’t judge me.

You can, however, rest easily knowing that in 61 days Harold will be no more. No, I’m not putting a hit out on him. I’m cold hearted, not maniacal. Theoretically, dude will no longer exist to me.I plan to start my 30s baggage free. 

Erykah Badu will NOT be singing songs about me.

I’ve eluded to my age many a day here.  But now that I am 62 days away from the big 3-0 it is ever looming! 

Admittedly, I’ve been freaking out about this ever since I turned 29 last year.  My freak-outs about 30 had become so frequent that a few weeks ago Giselle actually threatened me (“Ok, if you don’t stop acting like your life is ending I’m gonna beat your ass!”) 

 Nothing says love like a friend that’ll be brutally – sometimes causing pain – honest with you.   And so finally I’m (sort of) embracing it.  Because, really, my 20s weren’t that freaking great.  

So as I approach this milestone (a day for which I’ve made absolutely no plans – not that I’m avoiding it or anything) I decided to start sharing some things.  Lessons I’ve learned in my 29 years and 10 months, many of which I’ve learned the hard way.  But mostly I want to share the things that I have no plans of taking with me into my 30s.  First on the list: my attitude towards dating.

And to start things off: I called a man a couple of weeks ago!!! Can you believe it?? Too bad he didn’t answer.  Nor did he return the call, which is as rude as ever!  How dare he respond to my VOICE call with a TEXT message?

Anyway, I called a man.  Scratch that off the list, ok?

That’s how I feel about my life right now. Like I’m under construction.  Things are great but… As you all know, I recently began a new career (still within the entertainment industry, but in a new area).  Luckily I was fortunate enough to not have to start all over from the bottom – I even got a substantial raise!

 But I’m still not writing for a living.  Which bothers me deep down.  They always say you shouldn’t write to make money – but you should also strive to do something for a living that you love. So I wonder… Am I really serving my purpose out here (here = LA)? I criticize people for now going after what they want more vehemently, but am I? 

This weekend I pondered how I began blogging December of last year as a way to keep me writing and take my mind away from the humdrum monotony of my day job in legal. Then I began this blog assuming that the added incentive of pay for blogging would keep me writing.  Then everything just went topsy turvy.  This weekend I ran in to someone that said “hey, what ever happened to you sending me your spec?”  Mind begins racing.  What is he talking about?  OMG! He was going to hand my spec script directly to someone that would not only read it, but provide feed back and possibly get me an in on their network show.  Which is really invaluable in this industry and make or break a career.  Networking is paramount!  That hit me like a ton of bricks.  And so I have to reassess.  Which is what I’m doing.  Reconstructing myself so that I can kind of fall back in line with not just making a great salary, but doing what I love and making a great salary- all at once.  Are you doing what you love for a living? Or are you simply making a living and doing what you love as a hobby?  How do you feel about that?

I feel guilty.  Really guilty.  I haven’t posted here in weeks!  And that’s not right.  Well, to be exact - it’s been about two and a half weeks.  And if I were to be fair to myself I know it’s been two and a half weeks exactly since I was emancipated and began the new gig at The Big Studio.  But I feel guilty  nonetheless.

Here’s the thing: The Big Studio, and life in general, has been kicking my arse!  Seriously!!  A grown up job?  And grown up problems/situations??  Ay Dios Mio!  That’s all I can say.  But don’t worry.  I haven’t been out here living life to the fullest simply neglecting to share it with you.  Life as a whole has been on indefinite pause.

Well… Okay, maybe not “as a whole.”  You’ve only missed a brunch at Campanile with Kendra (and conversation about the state of dating for women our age), one bachelorette party that brought a huge question to the forefront for me, one Kiss N Grind party where I actually ground myself right into a mini makeout session and…that’s about it!  Oh, and I spent last weekend trying to develop quality content for my NEW E-Zine Style Blog.  So look out for new posts on all of the above SOON!

I promise!

Until then, here’s a little trinket to express exactly what I have been telling myself to get me through these weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds…

Kerry Washington burst onto the scene in the 2000 Indy hit Our Song.  When I saw this film at The Detroit Film Theater I knew then that she was one to watch - and I was right.  Everything I’ve seen Kerry do has been scene stealing - from her performance in the biopic Ray right down to her appearance in Common’s video for the song I Want You.

But all the fabulous chicks in Hollywood seem to be single.  Kerry is no exception.  In March of last year she and fiancee, actor David Moscow, raised the white flag on their four year relationship.  Later that year, after appearing in the video, she was rumored to be getting comfy as Common’s better half.

But Kerry is simply getting used to dating and having fun while doing.  In the June 2007 issue of People she said about being newly single and entering the dating world:

 ”I was scared I would meet really weird men or have all these horror stories, but I have none so far,” she said. “It has all been a lot of fun so far. I’m having a blast meeting people”

I hear you!  Isn’t that what dating’s all about?

Kerry can be seen in the upcoming suspense drama Lakeview Terrace with Samuel L. Jackson

Two weeks ago I screamed with joy!  I was celebrating with Kool and The Gang, shouting about holidays with Madonna and Beyoncé gave me the green light.  But I didn’t tell you guys why.  Shame on me.  The news is twofold, but I have to hold on to the other little tidbit until the ink is dry.

You’d have to really know my history to completely feel my exuberance!  My journey in Los Angeles has been a tedious one.  I’ve found what they say to be true: If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere.  Or maybe they say that about New York?  Well, I’m using it!  It’s so apropos for me.  Because I have made it here.

I graduated from college and said “within a year I’ll be living in California.” Seven months later Los Angeles got a taste of Midwestern savory flavor like none other.  It’s been a very topsy turvy time.  Dating has absolutely SUCKED: hence me still being Single in L.A. almost 5 years later.  I’m an absolute baby and I’ve gone through deep bouts of depression because some days I’ve only wanted to see my mom and dad for comfort. Heck, my first year here I went home at least 5 times.

I could go on!  But I won’t . You can read Much Ado About Nothing for a lot of the back story.

But here, I’ll talk about new days!  Talk about what the future holds: endless possibilities. Like the news I got that Friday.  In the entertainment industry working for a studio makes you golden!  Even if you’re temping.  Shoot, even if  you just drove out to meet your friend for lunch one day “on the lot.”  You say you work in the mail room at Disney and people are like “Ohhhhh, Disney.  Congrats!”  Dude, they work in the mail room! But me, I’ve been at the plantation for nearly two years – ending TODAY!

Two weeks ago The Big Studio (and I mean THE Big Studio not “A”) called me and made me a very lucrative over.  They gave me the weekend to ponder.  What’s to ponder????  I negotiated a bit, then accepted the offer the following Monday.

So today, my dear readers, I bid adieu to the plantation.  Abraham Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation in 1832. In January 1865, Congress passed the 13th Amendment, abolishing slavery .  Apparently the owners of {Company that made “Rambo IV,” “Mad Money” and “88 Minutes”} didn’t get the memo. They were in Israel so I guess they forgot to brush up on their American History?  It’s okay.  My future is in MY hands.

Today, I emancipate myself . Watch out!

We all like recognition for our hard work, no?  Especially when you’re putting yourself out there creatively! Nominate Single in L.A. for the 2008 Black Weblog Awards. Here are the categories I think the blog fits into quite nicely. Thanks in advance!

Best Blog Post Series “Teach Men to Date”: first article found here
Best New Blog
Best Personal Blog
Best Writing in a Blog
Blog to Watch

If you agree –you do, don’t you? – do me a favor. Nominate Single in L.A.! Follow the pink link: 2008 Black Weblog Awards Nominations

 Shelley Malil is mostly known for his scene stealing role in 40-Year Old Virgin, starring Steve Carrell.  Last night, however, he became known for something else.  Sunday night his ex-girlfriend was stabbed to near death.  And last night, the actor was arrested for suspicion of attempted murder.

Shelley, a native of Kerala, India idolized Bob Hope and moved to Hollywood to pursue his dreams of comedic fame in 1995. He played notable parts in many long time TV hits such as ER, Seinfeld, NYPD Blue, JAG and Without a Trace.  But, it was his role in the 2005 comedy, Virgin, that gave his some career momentum.  Unfortunately, most didn’t remember his name for that.  But I guess they will now.

Everything that glitters in Hollywood is NOT gold.