Single in L.A.

This morning I was driving to work and for like an hour (the time it takes me to get here) Ryan Seacrest kept mixing in “What A Man” by En Vogue. And it hit me: I haven’t been joining in he hubbub of postings regarding our new President.

There’s two reasons. One, this is a niche blog - tales of the life of a single girl living and working in LaLaLand. I love President Obama and everything but, he doesn’t factor into my (non) dating life very much. Reason number two is that I don’t discuss EVERYTHING here. Religion, politics and money = taboo topics (for me).

But when I heard Ryan playing that song (repeatedly) I thought “what the hell does this have to do with his topic?” At the same time I thought of how Barack Obama plays into my blog.

I’m really impressed by he an Michelle’s relationship. They are a very HAUTE and chic couple.

Not only that, but they exude both love and respect for one another. I’d say that’s rare these days.

Though I’m single, I don’t always want to be. I think of what I want in a mate and couples that have a little bit of what me and the future Mr. Haute will have. Most of my “love idols” have something in common – that je ne sais qua. Barack and Michelle Obama definitely have it!

I felt that surging through Mr. and Mrs. President during Beyonce’s performance of “At Last” during the Neighborhood Ball. If you missed it….

That type of love is encouraging.  For me, the Obamas are the epitome of a modern day power couple - they only type of couple I can be a part of.  Perhaps I’ll meet my own “Barack” and he’ll have me singing “What a Man.” One day…

And in with the new.  Year that is!  When the new year rolls around most people begin to get all types of introspective.  Regretting the past years mistakes, looking forward to the new “better” year ahead.

I spent much of December reassessing my goals.  Not so much because of the pending arrival of 2009, but mostly because I’m anal that way.  Though I’m always grateful to be in a good place, “right now” is never good enough.  I am forever looking ahead, making lists, planning – likely too much of that.  I realized in December that my lists have been nearly identical for months – too much listing and not enough doing.

So my New Year’s resolution is just that.  To just DO more – and list less.There’s too many men for me to date, books to write, stories to tell, films to create… I had lots of time to come up with that since I’ve been sick for the past few days and celebrated in bed last night.:-(

What about you?  Any quirky resolutions made (with little plans to keeps them?)

WOW!
3 months earlier

I had ventured into online dating (again – due to the badgering of some of the panel to “explore all options). I mentioned here that I seemed to be some type of Black man repellant, on and off line. On this particular site, not one Black man EVER winked, e-mailed, chatted – nada. Hmmm. I thought nothing of it really because I’ve always attracted all man kind, some more than others.

Anyway, I’d begun some friendly daily IMing with *Aneef (hailing from London via Sri Lanka).

LONDON 

Sri Lanka 

He was very cool, we had a lot in common, but I’m an the queen of “what if.” Like what if we meet and he drags me into a dark back alley while pretending to make sure I get to my car safely, and Haute is never to be heard from again? That kind of “what if.” I know it could happen with anyone you meet, but those are that thoughts that essentially doom me in the online dating world.

But I’m nothing if not daring. And I’m for adding more diversity to my rainbow tribe comrades. Besides, I knew – I just KNEW some witty tale would come of it. So we (tried) to make plans for lunch. But between the sorority, my [other philanthropic membership] duties, numerous social commitments and life in general I was never able to meet up with him. But we kept in touch until he went on 5 week “holiday” across Europe.

3 weeks ago

I’m online booking one of several upcoming flights across the states when I see that my cousin is online and decide to leave my permanent “invisible to all” status. I sign on. She signs off and Aneef signs on – almost simultaneously. If I don’t call men, you know I don’t say “hi” first online.

He instantly greets me warmly. Tells me that he’s just returned from his travels and is still interested in getting together. Of course you are. We catch up for about 20 minutes when out of the blue he types
Aneef: When was the last time you had sex?
Haute: __________________ (that’s me flatlining)
A: Didn’t mean to offend you, just thought I’d ask. Sorry.
H: Not offended, shocked.
A: LOL. Well?
H: Sheesh! Honestly (full disclosure here people)?
A: Of course.
H: Over a year.
A: WHAT??? I can’t believe that. Why?
H: What do you mean ‘why?’ Shit happens.
A: In that case…
H: ????
A: We should have sex..this weekend.
H: Huh????
A: Yeah, it’s been a few months for me too.
H:__________________________________ (I’m really gone now)
A: Seriously! We’re attracted to each other. Can I have sex with you on Saturday??

I can’t go into the rest (it’s too much for your sweet little eyes). But the moral to the story is – learn to speak French: you would’ve known what I was going to say just based on the title. Oh, and men NEVER surprise me – no matter where they’re from. For once I’d like a man to NOT try and sleep with me instantly.

Added to my “Not Entering My 30s” list: Aneef. 

The ORIGINAL “Lady Marmalade” bye LaBelle (in case you STILL aren’t clear on the title :-)

They’re called your “ex” for a reason. 

Keeping with the theme of things that need not enter my 30s along with me, I’d like to add to the list. My Ex. I can’t seem to shake him. I’ve lived in L.A. for nearly 5 years and 3 ½ of those years have been (semi) consumed with him.

We officially broke up nearly two years ago. I don’t do break-ups to make-up so we’ve never gotten back together. I will go long periods of time without answering his calls and neglecting to acknowledge his presence. Then I either get soft or, quite honestly, “needy” ( if you catch my drift).

Last December I told him to stop calling me (for like the 10th time) because our friendship is basically useless, unhealthy and only beneficial to one of us (e.g. him). He never stopped calling, but I stopped answering – until about 2 months ago.

Go over to Much Ado About Nothing and search for “Harold.” You can read all about some of his ridiculous shenanigans. At the same time you might think that detracts from my Haute factor. You’ll be wrong. Consider my near year long time with him community service hours. Don’t judge me.

You can, however, rest easily knowing that in 61 days Harold will be no more. No, I’m not putting a hit out on him. I’m cold hearted, not maniacal. Theoretically, dude will no longer exist to me.I plan to start my 30s baggage free. 

Erykah Badu will NOT be singing songs about me.

 Hill Harper is one to watch in Hollywood as far as I’m concerned.  The man is super good looking, well spoken, intelligent and discerning. Oh, and very talented! And apparently he’s discrete.  You never hear rumors of him gallivanting about with this starlet and that one, and I’m sure that’s not for a lack of opportunity.

Rumors have only swirled of him being connected to Gabrielle Union and Taraji Henson.  However being spotted with someone doesn’t make them your S.O. (significant other).  He and Gabby have been great friends for years.  And philanthropy is something he has in common with Taraji.  You never know, though. They look pretty “close.”

My BFT was in an acting class with him a little over a year ago and they really hit it off.  She then,as luck would have it, ended up appearing in an episode of CSI with him.  She has nothing but good things to say about him – charming, witty and very much the gentleman.

I happen to be heading over to his restaurant, The Lodge, for dinner next week – love the food and ambiance!  Maybe he’ll make a charming and witty appearance? I’ll keep you posted.

Hill currently portrays Dr. Sheldon Hawke on “CSI: New York” and can be seen starring in two upcoming films: “This Is Not a Test” and “The Shanghai Hotel.

I don’t think it’s a secret here that I LOVE my “Sex and the City.” I even went through great lengths to get to a pre-screening, gone bust. But that’s in the past.

So, in my down time (is there really such a thing?) this weekend I decided to watch some of the first episodes of the show. Just to see if the topics are still relevant. Is the show really a timeless classic.

Why, yes it is! I tend to be rather candid here. There is SO much more I could say, that I don’t because I have this problem with self-censoring (especially since I know this link was sent to some good church people from back home). BUT, I’m human. So I really want to discuss more, without necessarily putting more out there. More over, maybe I need to reveal more because I think those experiences are entirely relevant to the trials and tribulations of a single girl.

It’s funny. A few people have e-mailed me to say that my tales are very Carrie Bradshaw-ish. I take it as a compliment, but I’m nowhere near as honest as Carrie. Not that I lie. Don’t take it to mean that. I studied journalism in college (as did Carrie). So I’m not just sitting over here blogging out of the side of my ass. I am, and always have been, a writer at my core. Be it screenplays, feature like tales or celeb accounts, it’s all writing. And there’s a such thing as truth in journalism which includes giving FULL accounts to lend to credence. That’s what I mean by honesty. I’d like my accounts to be more full (while still protecting the innocent of course – I HAVE already given the girls monikers.)

On one of the SATC episodes I watched yesterday they talked about the curse on women that are age 30 and up and still single. Being on the doorstep of 30 myself, I can relate! That issue is very real for the girls and I. Of course, we don’t live in New York. So the setting is different. But I’ve found that the plight those four women living in great lives in a thriving city very much mirror that of my clan.

Specifically Carrie talked about being the only single girl left in the family suffering banishment to the kiddie table at holiday meals. I haven’t gotten to that point (yet). I’m still allowed at the dining room table with the adults. But as I approach 30, I wonder about some of the points Carrie and her pals made.

So I’d like to pose a few questions. Does a woman, in this day and age, kind of Scarlet Letter herself when it comes to being single at 30 and up? Do you and your couple friends approach said single woman with a certain type of “I pity you” attitude? Is there some proverbial “handle with care” label placed on us. If you’re a single woman approaching 30 (or already there) do you feel pressured to either be on a Mad Hubby Hunt or justify why you’re single but very happy, fabulous and successful???

Or do you really feel fabulous and love your life and “who cares” when it comes to your age?

As I say here often, I’m friends with a lot of guys. And with my friends, male and female, I happen to be very encouraging towards them in all aspects. I also tend to flirt a bit, but I thought I was keeping that separate from my friendships. Apparently I thought wrong.

I need to find a balance. I used to be Queen Meanie. If you liked me, I didn’t encourage you much, just made you feel lucky to be in my presence. These days I’m more embracing of people (well, men) that reach out to me because even though I may not be interested in dating, you never know how cool (or un-cool) some people are until you get to know them.

At the same time I can’t fake it. If I’m not interested, I don’t pretend because I’m not into leading people astray. Am I rambling? Ok, let me be more specific.

Somehow I befriended this guy, D. We went to school together at some point. He said “what’s up?” I said “hey.” And we reconnected. Well, I thought we were engaging in friendly banter for a while. Then D started calling me. Errr??? It began as friendly chit chat that I always cut short because I really don’t talk on the phone. I text. I e-mal. I get together. But phone time is reserved for the family back at home, basically.

Anyhow, D now has taken to sending me these “thinking about you “ style texts in the morning, afternoon and throughout the day. Huh??? This morning’s message made if very CLEAR that he thinks we have “something” going on.

How do I get into these situations? A couple of years ago I had a male friend at home that I spoke to almost daily. Suddenly he started ending the phone calls by saying “I love and miss you.” HUH??? Wait. When did we get to that point? How do you fall in love with me and we’re not spending time together, rather we’re just shooting the shit?? I was confused then. And I’m super confused now.

There’s an age old debate about men and women not being able to be just friends. I’m going to start believing in that soon because my male friends almost always end up coming out of left field with me. I am Haute and everything, but sheesh!

Has anyone else experienced anything like that? You think you’re just being good natured and you look up one day and you’re in a pseudo relationship???? How can I get out of this situation without hurting feelings or seeming like a bitch??

The reviews are in, and they’re mostly mixed. CNN’s“Black in America” special debuted last night. I don’t discuss race much here, mostly because it’s irrelevant (as far as my specific social culture- more specifically the ideals I ascribe to). But of course, race issue are very relevant in the overall scheme of things.

I won’t get too deep. But something came up in last night’s airing that got me thinking about my own life (and current “situations” I’m involved in). Discussing things on a large scale is fine, but I like to banter with people. Not about far off hypothetical, idealistic concepts, but how things really feel and seem to us – in real life.

Interracial dating: how do you feel about it? Living in the ethereal melting pot, one would think this is not an issue. I see far more interracial couple than I do of those belonging to the same race. For the most part, it doesn’t affect me. But living in a melting pot doesn’t mean that everyone is into the mixing and mingling thing. Quite the contrary. Los Angeles can be very segregated socially, demographically and idealistically.

Being a single girl, I choose not to close any doors. I date who I like, who I’m attracted to and who treats me well. That could be anyone. And since I seem to be a Black Man Repellent, what other choices do I have? Date outside of my race, or don’t date at all.

I’m going to be honest though. There is a very clear double standard. I can’t state the oppositions side of things. But from my personal experience Black men seem to take offense when Black women date outside of their race. I laugh at that (for many, many reasons).

I’m interested in hearing some global perspectives. How do you feel about interracial dating? Is the dialog dated and unnecessary? Or, do you just want to get it all out in the open once and for all? How is it looked upon in your culture/racial group? Or even your neck of the woods? Speak! Your opinions are going to help me with another post that had been brewing in the Much Ado pot which will likely be posted here.

I can’t say enough about her. Born Tracee Joy Silberstein, she is the second eldest daughter of Diana Ross and an all around fab chick. Tracee, in my book, is definitely one of today’s style icons - a trendsetter in a league of her own. She’s had very, very few fashion faux pas’ - but when I read in Essence that she often styles and beautifies (hair and makeup) herself? All mistakes were forgiven. I’ve seen many a flub and those stars PAID someone to make them look like that.

A graduate of Brown University, Tracee has worked as a fashion model, fashion editor and, of course, an actress. She’s most well known for her role as Joan Clayton on the now defunct but long running CW series Girlfriends. All of that, and we’ve never really heard of her being “official” with anyone. But she has been “linked” to many (NBA’s Chris Webber, actor Henry Simmons and comedian DeRay Davis to name a few).

I’m sure she’s just keeping her business to herself, but for now Tracee is “publicly” living a Single in L.A. life. Here’s a few of my favorite Tracee red carpet looks.

Tracee Ellis Ross is currently filming Millennium Films’ Labor Pains with Lindsay Lohan.

Photo: People

It seems I took a longer 4^th of July holiday than warranted. But news of Drew’s break-up was enough to put me back on the posting track!

I was so sad when I read this in Us Weekly yesterday. The list of men that Drew Barrymore has been linked to reads like a Hollywood Who’s Who with a few “who’s that?” thrown in for good measure. After her short lived marriage to Tom Green I just knew that Fabrizio Moretti was it for her. They were such an adorable couple. Then, of course, the two called it quits and Drew linked up with Dodgeball’s Justin Long.

Yesterday Us Weekly broke the big break-up news with a simple “they are still friends” statement from the couple’s reps. Ms Drew is now very Single in L.A.

Barrymore can be seen in February’s, highly anticipated He’s Just Not That Into You, based on the best selling book by former Sex and the City writers Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo