Single in L.A.

 Hill Harper is one to watch in Hollywood as far as I’m concerned.  The man is super good looking, well spoken, intelligent and discerning. Oh, and very talented! And apparently he’s discrete.  You never hear rumors of him gallivanting about with this starlet and that one, and I’m sure that’s not for a lack of opportunity.

Rumors have only swirled of him being connected to Gabrielle Union and Taraji Henson.  However being spotted with someone doesn’t make them your S.O. (significant other).  He and Gabby have been great friends for years.  And philanthropy is something he has in common with Taraji.  You never know, though. They look pretty “close.”

My BFT was in an acting class with him a little over a year ago and they really hit it off.  She then,as luck would have it, ended up appearing in an episode of CSI with him.  She has nothing but good things to say about him – charming, witty and very much the gentleman.

I happen to be heading over to his restaurant, The Lodge, for dinner next week – love the food and ambiance!  Maybe he’ll make a charming and witty appearance? I’ll keep you posted.

Hill currently portrays Dr. Sheldon Hawke on “CSI: New York” and can be seen starring in two upcoming films: “This Is Not a Test” and “The Shanghai Hotel.

As I say here often, I’m friends with a lot of guys. And with my friends, male and female, I happen to be very encouraging towards them in all aspects. I also tend to flirt a bit, but I thought I was keeping that separate from my friendships. Apparently I thought wrong.

I need to find a balance. I used to be Queen Meanie. If you liked me, I didn’t encourage you much, just made you feel lucky to be in my presence. These days I’m more embracing of people (well, men) that reach out to me because even though I may not be interested in dating, you never know how cool (or un-cool) some people are until you get to know them.

At the same time I can’t fake it. If I’m not interested, I don’t pretend because I’m not into leading people astray. Am I rambling? Ok, let me be more specific.

Somehow I befriended this guy, D. We went to school together at some point. He said “what’s up?” I said “hey.” And we reconnected. Well, I thought we were engaging in friendly banter for a while. Then D started calling me. Errr??? It began as friendly chit chat that I always cut short because I really don’t talk on the phone. I text. I e-mal. I get together. But phone time is reserved for the family back at home, basically.

Anyhow, D now has taken to sending me these “thinking about you “ style texts in the morning, afternoon and throughout the day. Huh??? This morning’s message made if very CLEAR that he thinks we have “something” going on.

How do I get into these situations? A couple of years ago I had a male friend at home that I spoke to almost daily. Suddenly he started ending the phone calls by saying “I love and miss you.” HUH??? Wait. When did we get to that point? How do you fall in love with me and we’re not spending time together, rather we’re just shooting the shit?? I was confused then. And I’m super confused now.

There’s an age old debate about men and women not being able to be just friends. I’m going to start believing in that soon because my male friends almost always end up coming out of left field with me. I am Haute and everything, but sheesh!

Has anyone else experienced anything like that? You think you’re just being good natured and you look up one day and you’re in a pseudo relationship???? How can I get out of this situation without hurting feelings or seeming like a bitch??

The reviews are in, and they’re mostly mixed. CNN’s“Black in America” special debuted last night. I don’t discuss race much here, mostly because it’s irrelevant (as far as my specific social culture- more specifically the ideals I ascribe to). But of course, race issue are very relevant in the overall scheme of things.

I won’t get too deep. But something came up in last night’s airing that got me thinking about my own life (and current “situations” I’m involved in). Discussing things on a large scale is fine, but I like to banter with people. Not about far off hypothetical, idealistic concepts, but how things really feel and seem to us – in real life.

Interracial dating: how do you feel about it? Living in the ethereal melting pot, one would think this is not an issue. I see far more interracial couple than I do of those belonging to the same race. For the most part, it doesn’t affect me. But living in a melting pot doesn’t mean that everyone is into the mixing and mingling thing. Quite the contrary. Los Angeles can be very segregated socially, demographically and idealistically.

Being a single girl, I choose not to close any doors. I date who I like, who I’m attracted to and who treats me well. That could be anyone. And since I seem to be a Black Man Repellent, what other choices do I have? Date outside of my race, or don’t date at all.

I’m going to be honest though. There is a very clear double standard. I can’t state the oppositions side of things. But from my personal experience Black men seem to take offense when Black women date outside of their race. I laugh at that (for many, many reasons).

I’m interested in hearing some global perspectives. How do you feel about interracial dating? Is the dialog dated and unnecessary? Or, do you just want to get it all out in the open once and for all? How is it looked upon in your culture/racial group? Or even your neck of the woods? Speak! Your opinions are going to help me with another post that had been brewing in the Much Ado pot which will likely be posted here.

Photo: Wikimedia

Over at The Urban Blogger, this week’s discussion hot topic: whether or not the lovely Lauren London is the Black Angelina Jolie. Super cute girl, but that comparison is…a stretch. Some speculate that she’s the “it” Black actress right now. Eh… Up and coming is more like it. Most known for her video girl roles, Lauren starred in ATL opposite rapper T.I. and was featured on the HBO series Entourage. But I’d say the buzz around her love life is much more interesting.

Lauren in KING magazine

Rumors that she’s dating Lil Wayne, T.I., NBA star Baron Davis and even her gal pal Cassie are what seem to be keeping her in the limelight. Luckily Lauren doesn’t (seem to) kiss and tell. So, for now, she can be single in L.A.

Lauren and Cassie promoting Sean John @ MTV

She can be seen in next year’s teen flick I Love You, Beth Cooper starring Hayden Panettiere.

Photo courtesy of AskMen

Anne Hathaway’s recent break-up with Raffaello Follieri is bombarding me right now. I can’t seem to escape it and I’m not even remotely interested. Honestly, I’m not so into who’s dating whom. But apparently everyone else is.

I happened to read the script for the project she’s currently filming, Bride Wars, due out in mid 2009. So I log into IMDB Pro to check on the progress of the project (and nab the producer’s info. for selfish reasons) and news of his recent arrest pops up. They break up and she still can’t shake the guy. Poor Anne is, therefore, Single in L.A.

Hathaway, most noted for her role in The Devil Wears Prada, can next be seen in Columbia Pictures / Sony’s Passengers all set to hit theaters in October.

Of course I have to put traditional in quotation marks for the nay-saying skeptics out here. After my “I don’t call men” post and many other conversations I’ve had, I’m met with many differing opinions. I have those that say you can’t have it both ways. You can’t be traditional with some ideals and liberal with others. Why not? In politics there’s a such thing as a conservative liberal, why can’t I be that in my daily life and spread it across all areas? Don’t I get to create who I want to be?

Sunday I had a long conversation with dating coach Yvonne Chase. No, I’m not seeing a dating coach – any problems I have in that area are likely due to the slim pickings available in L.A. not necessarily my approach to dating. Anyhow, I mentioned to her that I have a problem with paying for dates. I do. I admit it freely. And before you bombard me hear me out, okay?

My real issue there is that everything is so casual and lax when it comes to that. Men say things like “if you’re such an independent woman, why do you need me to pay for your dinner? Why not pay for mine?” Blasphemous! First off: I don’t need anyone to pay for anything, if I do I call mommy and daddy, not some dude. I do everything I want to do, and whether I’m on a date or not, I was going to eat, see a movie, go to a play or museum. Secondly, I can only do what I am accustomed to, and I am not accustomed to paying for a man’s anything. In my past, even after dating one person at length, I’ve offered and those men have refused and even appeared offended that I would offer, as if I was emasculating them. Those are the men I like!

Then, you (men, in case you’re not clear on my reference) want to be casual in one area, but serious in another. Another meaning sex. You want me to go Dutch or even pay for you because “we’re just dating” after all, it’s nothing serious. But then you are in a rush to get in my pants? What’s up with that? Sex, in my opinion, is serious business!

I just think the essence of courtship is lost today. Possibly because people don’t know what it is, or it’s true purpose. Possibly? What say you?

Note: feel free to click that Wikipedia link in case you too are confused about the importance of courtship. Admitting is half the battle.

Not me (well perhaps a few skeletal bones, don’t we all?).  But Ted, my spur of the moment date.  Those were amongst his first words to me once we’d settled down at a patio table to eat on Friday. Essentially this random stranger gave me his entire life story in an hour’s time:

Ten facts about dear (50 year) old Ted: 

1. Got out of a tumultuous two year relationship about a year ago.
2. After the end of said relationship he fell off the wagon – aha!  Yes, he’s a recovering alcoholic (recovering addicts seem to swarm to me in public places.).
3. Currently 6 months sober and can only be with someone committed to a sober life style.  I’m no lush (am I?) but count me out Teddy.
4. Was raised by a “stern but loving” German mother and a strict Military General father. (i.e. I’m still harboring issues from his childhood).
5. Lived in a “green house” in Hawaii which he built from the ground up for his then girlfriend and her SIX children (none of whom were his).
6. Said girlfriend was a true angel and the most giving person in the world (and an amazing lover to boot).
7. Though he’d warned her against it, the girlfriend decided to travel with 8 pounds of marijuana (loosely individually packed), and promptly was arrested.
8. The Girlfriend “put a hit out” on Ted because he was the alleged “snitch” which is why he returned to the mainland. He believes she still has people watching him.
9. Ted left this beautiful green house to girlfriend’s children so they’d “have something in this world besides a felon mother.”
10. Has so much experience in so many areas, can do anything, has so much money stashed way (yet 15 minutes into our conversation I noticed these very large tooth sized gaps betwixt each of his remaining teeth).

So, uh, yeah. Well, that was Ted in a nutshell (though he gave me so much more info. I could go on, but I’ll spare you). I gently (so as not to agitate), but continuously, told him that I had plans and really, really needed to leave.  Ted then commenced to draw me a map of our neighborhood.  He gave me his address and his mothers and said I should stop by any time I want.  To talk. Some more. Awwww… My mom said that’s all he needed.  Someone to talk to. 

He asked me to the movies this weekend.  Should I go???

After my Dylan McDermott post, one fine gentleman decided to e-mail me and request that I post more women as the Single in L.A. feature.  Said gentleman had a very special request.  It’s funny.  How can I cater to the men-folk, if I don’t know they’re reading?  You guys have to give feedback – by way of…comments, maybe? This blog is no democracy, but I am open to doing favors.

Sanaa Lathan has been pretty tight lipped about her love life since breaking up with long-time beau Omar Epps.  For the past year she’s been unofficially linked to Chicago Bears Defensive End Adewale Ogunleye (7 years her junior!).  I certainly respect the desire for privacy concerning your personal life.  But if you’re not claiming him, I won’t claim him for you.  Well I might, but then he’d be my man. Anyhow,  Sanaa Lathan is possibly Single in L.A.  S.W. your comments are welcomed.

The beautiful and talented Ms. Lathan can next be seen in Wonderful World with Matthew Broderick.

Photos courtesy of AskMen.com

Actor Dylan McDermott is best known for his role on The Practice. But I fell in love with him after seeing him in a little movie about the power of fate: 1997’s ‘Til There Was You. And, yes, he is another one of my little crushes.

Last year he legally separated from his wife, actress Shiva Rose, and Dylan was officially on the market for the first time in 15 years! Well proceedings have started. Dylan officially filed for divorce citing irreconcilable differences (shocker) in May 2008. Dylan might need a little help mending a broken heart – eh hem. Divorce is never good, but he’s definitely Single in L.A.

He can be seen next in Mercy, slated for release in 2009.

Friday night two of the usual suspects (Kendra and I) happened upon happy hour at the usual spot (The Belmont). Giselle was recovering from too many Skinny Girl Margaritas (found a step by step recipe - below) the night before so she opted out. But we were joined by a few of the semi-usual suspects and good times(and several drinks) were had by all.

Being in L.A. at least 75% of the present company at any given time will be in the entertainment industry and such was the case that night. We went back and forth about what films sucked, who acquired what, who read which script and were even treated to a mini rundown of the Cannes Film Festival (I SO need to be there next year). But as always, when groups of women congregate there is (a teeny tiny bit of) discussion of men. Dating specifically.

So as we talk about all the crazy men out here, the men that mooch off of you (one girl said the guy she’s dating actually just showed up one day and never went home) and just how it’s hard to date out here in general (because LA is full of horny weirdos). It made me think about the fact that I used to have a ton of crazy dating stories, but my pool has been dry for a minute. What gives?

Having said that I’ve decided to lend myself to scientific research for the betterment of all womankind. I’ve set up four dates with guys I’m only mildly interested in just to see what happens. Knowing me, the predictable will happen. Developing.