Single in L.A.

As we all know, today is St. Valentine’s Day. So what’s a single girl to do on the day for lovers? Love myself, that’s what.

I actually haven’t had a Valentine in about three years, and trust me - I never miss a beat! Back in the day my friends and I used to celebrate as The Lonely Hearts Club when there wasn’t a guy special enough around to share such holidays with. I actually had thoughts of revamping the club and creating a West Coast version.

Earlier this week Giselle and I were talking about what we (The Panel) would do this weekend. Partying and brunch aside, I suggested we be each others Valentine and have a group dinner.

I love Giselle! Though fine with the idea of the girls hanging and having fun, as we always do, she let me know that she could care less about it being Valentine’s Day. “Every day is a day to express love.” Indeed it is.

To that point, we should all certainly take a little more time to love ourselves until that next lover comes along.

So today once my gift of pampering is complete, I’ll likely be a guest on Myles Miller’s blogtalkradio show (again - 5 pm EST, 2 pm PST). After that the girls are gearing up for a night on the town with not a thought of having a Lonely Heart in sight.

Fill free to substitute the word “you” for “me” as you love yourself like no one else can.

Kisses!
Haute

As girl talk goes, my friends and I talk about everything. As of late, the conversation seems to always float to how “long it’s been” for each of us (eh hem, you know what I mean). If you follow this blog, or stay glued to my Twitter you’ve likely caught the hint.

A couple of weeks ago the gang met up for the first official happy hour - at our usual - of the new year, and this very discussion came up. But we were in mixed company and may have scared off Karla’s friend. After one comment she abruptly got up from the table and left. Shrugs. 

Fast forward a bit to this past weekend – I decided to head over to FUNKYBROWNCHICK to catch up on my candid reading. Twanna never disappoints me! That very day she’s talking, quite openly, about how horny she is. Le sigh, Twanna, LE SIGH. Note: she raises a dangerous question at the end (dangerous because some are afraid to admit to “things”). Check out the comments.

So, fast forward, again, to yesterday. Giselle and I are exchanging youtube links, as we often do once we’ve gotten antsy at our daytime gigs. She sends me this video of a couch potato cat. Cute – and super funny because the cat looks JUST LIKE her fat orange cat. In the “Related Videos” section, I find this – and HAD to share. 

 Le Sigh, little kitty. LE SIGH!

This morning I was driving to work and for like an hour (the time it takes me to get here) Ryan Seacrest kept mixing in “What A Man” by En Vogue. And it hit me: I haven’t been joining in he hubbub of postings regarding our new President.

There’s two reasons. One, this is a niche blog - tales of the life of a single girl living and working in LaLaLand. I love President Obama and everything but, he doesn’t factor into my (non) dating life very much. Reason number two is that I don’t discuss EVERYTHING here. Religion, politics and money = taboo topics (for me).

But when I heard Ryan playing that song (repeatedly) I thought “what the hell does this have to do with his topic?” At the same time I thought of how Barack Obama plays into my blog.

I’m really impressed by he an Michelle’s relationship. They are a very HAUTE and chic couple.

Not only that, but they exude both love and respect for one another. I’d say that’s rare these days.

Though I’m single, I don’t always want to be. I think of what I want in a mate and couples that have a little bit of what me and the future Mr. Haute will have. Most of my “love idols” have something in common – that je ne sais qua. Barack and Michelle Obama definitely have it!

I felt that surging through Mr. and Mrs. President during Beyonce’s performance of “At Last” during the Neighborhood Ball. If you missed it….

That type of love is encouraging.  For me, the Obamas are the epitome of a modern day power couple - they only type of couple I can be a part of.  Perhaps I’ll meet my own “Barack” and he’ll have me singing “What a Man.” One day…

And in with the new.  Year that is!  When the new year rolls around most people begin to get all types of introspective.  Regretting the past years mistakes, looking forward to the new “better” year ahead.

I spent much of December reassessing my goals.  Not so much because of the pending arrival of 2009, but mostly because I’m anal that way.  Though I’m always grateful to be in a good place, “right now” is never good enough.  I am forever looking ahead, making lists, planning – likely too much of that.  I realized in December that my lists have been nearly identical for months – too much listing and not enough doing.

So my New Year’s resolution is just that.  To just DO more – and list less.There’s too many men for me to date, books to write, stories to tell, films to create… I had lots of time to come up with that since I’ve been sick for the past few days and celebrated in bed last night.:-(

What about you?  Any quirky resolutions made (with little plans to keeps them?)

WOW!
3 months earlier

I had ventured into online dating (again – due to the badgering of some of the panel to “explore all options). I mentioned here that I seemed to be some type of Black man repellant, on and off line. On this particular site, not one Black man EVER winked, e-mailed, chatted – nada. Hmmm. I thought nothing of it really because I’ve always attracted all man kind, some more than others.

Anyway, I’d begun some friendly daily IMing with *Aneef (hailing from London via Sri Lanka).

LONDON 

Sri Lanka 

He was very cool, we had a lot in common, but I’m an the queen of “what if.” Like what if we meet and he drags me into a dark back alley while pretending to make sure I get to my car safely, and Haute is never to be heard from again? That kind of “what if.” I know it could happen with anyone you meet, but those are that thoughts that essentially doom me in the online dating world.

But I’m nothing if not daring. And I’m for adding more diversity to my rainbow tribe comrades. Besides, I knew – I just KNEW some witty tale would come of it. So we (tried) to make plans for lunch. But between the sorority, my [other philanthropic membership] duties, numerous social commitments and life in general I was never able to meet up with him. But we kept in touch until he went on 5 week “holiday” across Europe.

3 weeks ago

I’m online booking one of several upcoming flights across the states when I see that my cousin is online and decide to leave my permanent “invisible to all” status. I sign on. She signs off and Aneef signs on – almost simultaneously. If I don’t call men, you know I don’t say “hi” first online.

He instantly greets me warmly. Tells me that he’s just returned from his travels and is still interested in getting together. Of course you are. We catch up for about 20 minutes when out of the blue he types
Aneef: When was the last time you had sex?
Haute: __________________ (that’s me flatlining)
A: Didn’t mean to offend you, just thought I’d ask. Sorry.
H: Not offended, shocked.
A: LOL. Well?
H: Sheesh! Honestly (full disclosure here people)?
A: Of course.
H: Over a year.
A: WHAT??? I can’t believe that. Why?
H: What do you mean ‘why?’ Shit happens.
A: In that case…
H: ????
A: We should have sex..this weekend.
H: Huh????
A: Yeah, it’s been a few months for me too.
H:__________________________________ (I’m really gone now)
A: Seriously! We’re attracted to each other. Can I have sex with you on Saturday??

I can’t go into the rest (it’s too much for your sweet little eyes). But the moral to the story is – learn to speak French: you would’ve known what I was going to say just based on the title. Oh, and men NEVER surprise me – no matter where they’re from. For once I’d like a man to NOT try and sleep with me instantly.

Added to my “Not Entering My 30s” list: Aneef. 

The ORIGINAL “Lady Marmalade” bye LaBelle (in case you STILL aren’t clear on the title :-)

In my “Still Alive” post I tried to catch you guys up on the goings on. I mentioned a mini make out session. By the way, I’ve had another since then – with a completely different guy no less (oh the tales that came from that…) I’ve become what The Panel and I are calling a “Kissing Slut.” 
I spoke with my cousin the other night about this and we both laughed our boy cut panties off at the irony. I HATED kissing and any signs of affection. If I did kiss you (my beau) it had to be a super special occasion. You’d really only know I liked you by the mere fact that I kept you around. 

I can actually think of boyfriends form back in the day that used to BEG for even a peck. Now, apparently, you say hello to me and if the mood is right you get more than just a little bit of sugar. But no sex (even funnier! And a little sad).

So, I guess that’s one thing I don’t mind taking into my 30s. I’ve grown into a more (selectively) affectionate chick. Who knows, maybe in my 30s I’ll actually LOVE someone in return!

Stranger things have happened.

If you’re in L.A. there’s a Kiss N Grind party this Friday at Cicada. I am SO there! Gotta get my kisses any way possible.

They’re called your “ex” for a reason. 

Keeping with the theme of things that need not enter my 30s along with me, I’d like to add to the list. My Ex. I can’t seem to shake him. I’ve lived in L.A. for nearly 5 years and 3 ½ of those years have been (semi) consumed with him.

We officially broke up nearly two years ago. I don’t do break-ups to make-up so we’ve never gotten back together. I will go long periods of time without answering his calls and neglecting to acknowledge his presence. Then I either get soft or, quite honestly, “needy” ( if you catch my drift).

Last December I told him to stop calling me (for like the 10th time) because our friendship is basically useless, unhealthy and only beneficial to one of us (e.g. him). He never stopped calling, but I stopped answering – until about 2 months ago.

Go over to Much Ado About Nothing and search for “Harold.” You can read all about some of his ridiculous shenanigans. At the same time you might think that detracts from my Haute factor. You’ll be wrong. Consider my near year long time with him community service hours. Don’t judge me.

You can, however, rest easily knowing that in 61 days Harold will be no more. No, I’m not putting a hit out on him. I’m cold hearted, not maniacal. Theoretically, dude will no longer exist to me.I plan to start my 30s baggage free. 

Erykah Badu will NOT be singing songs about me.

 Hill Harper is one to watch in Hollywood as far as I’m concerned.  The man is super good looking, well spoken, intelligent and discerning. Oh, and very talented! And apparently he’s discrete.  You never hear rumors of him gallivanting about with this starlet and that one, and I’m sure that’s not for a lack of opportunity.

Rumors have only swirled of him being connected to Gabrielle Union and Taraji Henson.  However being spotted with someone doesn’t make them your S.O. (significant other).  He and Gabby have been great friends for years.  And philanthropy is something he has in common with Taraji.  You never know, though. They look pretty “close.”

My BFT was in an acting class with him a little over a year ago and they really hit it off.  She then,as luck would have it, ended up appearing in an episode of CSI with him.  She has nothing but good things to say about him – charming, witty and very much the gentleman.

I happen to be heading over to his restaurant, The Lodge, for dinner next week – love the food and ambiance!  Maybe he’ll make a charming and witty appearance? I’ll keep you posted.

Hill currently portrays Dr. Sheldon Hawke on “CSI: New York” and can be seen starring in two upcoming films: “This Is Not a Test” and “The Shanghai Hotel.

Photo courtesy of People

Kanye West’s love life has been a bit of a dramatic merry-go-round.  Apparently he had some long time girlfriend back in Chicago pre-celebrity that everyone was confusing with his first very public girlfriend Brooke Crittendon.

The limelight got to Brooke’s head and she put too much of their business out there on myspace.  Kanye didn’t like that – that was the end of them.

Not long after he was driving down Robertson ( did I mention I’m ALWAYS walking down Robertson?), pulled over and hollered at fashion designer Alexis Phifer and the two became the couple du jour.

Post engagement the pair did an ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS spread showcasing their L.A. digs in Harper’s Bazaar.

 Unfortunately, not long after the passing of his mother, Kanye and Alexis amicably split back in April.  And THEN after being spotted at a party at Tenjure with a group including Selita Ebanks and Serena Williams rumors swirled: Kanye and Selita are an item.  The two quickly shut that down saying they’re “just pals.”

 Photo: Hollyscoop

I take his word for it.  Kanye West is definitely single.  The man has swagger to spare with a touch of arrogance (too much, some might say).  I like it (hint, hint)!

I don’t think it’s a secret here that I LOVE my “Sex and the City.” I even went through great lengths to get to a pre-screening, gone bust. But that’s in the past.

So, in my down time (is there really such a thing?) this weekend I decided to watch some of the first episodes of the show. Just to see if the topics are still relevant. Is the show really a timeless classic.

Why, yes it is! I tend to be rather candid here. There is SO much more I could say, that I don’t because I have this problem with self-censoring (especially since I know this link was sent to some good church people from back home). BUT, I’m human. So I really want to discuss more, without necessarily putting more out there. More over, maybe I need to reveal more because I think those experiences are entirely relevant to the trials and tribulations of a single girl.

It’s funny. A few people have e-mailed me to say that my tales are very Carrie Bradshaw-ish. I take it as a compliment, but I’m nowhere near as honest as Carrie. Not that I lie. Don’t take it to mean that. I studied journalism in college (as did Carrie). So I’m not just sitting over here blogging out of the side of my ass. I am, and always have been, a writer at my core. Be it screenplays, feature like tales or celeb accounts, it’s all writing. And there’s a such thing as truth in journalism which includes giving FULL accounts to lend to credence. That’s what I mean by honesty. I’d like my accounts to be more full (while still protecting the innocent of course – I HAVE already given the girls monikers.)

On one of the SATC episodes I watched yesterday they talked about the curse on women that are age 30 and up and still single. Being on the doorstep of 30 myself, I can relate! That issue is very real for the girls and I. Of course, we don’t live in New York. So the setting is different. But I’ve found that the plight those four women living in great lives in a thriving city very much mirror that of my clan.

Specifically Carrie talked about being the only single girl left in the family suffering banishment to the kiddie table at holiday meals. I haven’t gotten to that point (yet). I’m still allowed at the dining room table with the adults. But as I approach 30, I wonder about some of the points Carrie and her pals made.

So I’d like to pose a few questions. Does a woman, in this day and age, kind of Scarlet Letter herself when it comes to being single at 30 and up? Do you and your couple friends approach said single woman with a certain type of “I pity you” attitude? Is there some proverbial “handle with care” label placed on us. If you’re a single woman approaching 30 (or already there) do you feel pressured to either be on a Mad Hubby Hunt or justify why you’re single but very happy, fabulous and successful???

Or do you really feel fabulous and love your life and “who cares” when it comes to your age?