Single in L.A.

WOW!
3 months earlier

I had ventured into online dating (again – due to the badgering of some of the panel to “explore all options). I mentioned here that I seemed to be some type of Black man repellant, on and off line. On this particular site, not one Black man EVER winked, e-mailed, chatted – nada. Hmmm. I thought nothing of it really because I’ve always attracted all man kind, some more than others.

Anyway, I’d begun some friendly daily IMing with *Aneef (hailing from London via Sri Lanka).

LONDON 

Sri Lanka 

He was very cool, we had a lot in common, but I’m an the queen of “what if.” Like what if we meet and he drags me into a dark back alley while pretending to make sure I get to my car safely, and Haute is never to be heard from again? That kind of “what if.” I know it could happen with anyone you meet, but those are that thoughts that essentially doom me in the online dating world.

But I’m nothing if not daring. And I’m for adding more diversity to my rainbow tribe comrades. Besides, I knew – I just KNEW some witty tale would come of it. So we (tried) to make plans for lunch. But between the sorority, my [other philanthropic membership] duties, numerous social commitments and life in general I was never able to meet up with him. But we kept in touch until he went on 5 week “holiday” across Europe.

3 weeks ago

I’m online booking one of several upcoming flights across the states when I see that my cousin is online and decide to leave my permanent “invisible to all” status. I sign on. She signs off and Aneef signs on – almost simultaneously. If I don’t call men, you know I don’t say “hi” first online.

He instantly greets me warmly. Tells me that he’s just returned from his travels and is still interested in getting together. Of course you are. We catch up for about 20 minutes when out of the blue he types
Aneef: When was the last time you had sex?
Haute: __________________ (that’s me flatlining)
A: Didn’t mean to offend you, just thought I’d ask. Sorry.
H: Not offended, shocked.
A: LOL. Well?
H: Sheesh! Honestly (full disclosure here people)?
A: Of course.
H: Over a year.
A: WHAT??? I can’t believe that. Why?
H: What do you mean ‘why?’ Shit happens.
A: In that case…
H: ????
A: We should have sex..this weekend.
H: Huh????
A: Yeah, it’s been a few months for me too.
H:__________________________________ (I’m really gone now)
A: Seriously! We’re attracted to each other. Can I have sex with you on Saturday??

I can’t go into the rest (it’s too much for your sweet little eyes). But the moral to the story is – learn to speak French: you would’ve known what I was going to say just based on the title. Oh, and men NEVER surprise me – no matter where they’re from. For once I’d like a man to NOT try and sleep with me instantly.

Added to my “Not Entering My 30s” list: Aneef. 

The ORIGINAL “Lady Marmalade” bye LaBelle (in case you STILL aren’t clear on the title :-)

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