Jul 24 2008
Black in America: Interracial Dating; Let’s Talk
The reviews are in, and they’re mostly mixed. CNN’s“Black in America” special debuted last night. I don’t discuss race much here, mostly because it’s irrelevant (as far as my specific social culture- more specifically the ideals I ascribe to). But of course, race issue are very relevant in the overall scheme of things.
I won’t get too deep. But something came up in last night’s airing that got me thinking about my own life (and current “situations” I’m involved in). Discussing things on a large scale is fine, but I like to banter with people. Not about far off hypothetical, idealistic concepts, but how things really feel and seem to us – in real life.
Interracial dating: how do you feel about it? Living in the ethereal melting pot, one would think this is not an issue. I see far more interracial couple than I do of those belonging to the same race. For the most part, it doesn’t affect me. But living in a melting pot doesn’t mean that everyone is into the mixing and mingling thing. Quite the contrary. Los Angeles can be very segregated socially, demographically and idealistically.
Being a single girl, I choose not to close any doors. I date who I like, who I’m attracted to and who treats me well. That could be anyone. And since I seem to be a Black Man Repellent, what other choices do I have? Date outside of my race, or don’t date at all.
I’m going to be honest though. There is a very clear double standard. I can’t state the oppositions side of things. But from my personal experience Black men seem to take offense when Black women date outside of their race. I laugh at that (for many, many reasons).
I’m interested in hearing some global perspectives. How do you feel about interracial dating? Is the dialog dated and unnecessary? Or, do you just want to get it all out in the open once and for all? How is it looked upon in your culture/racial group? Or even your neck of the woods? Speak! Your opinions are going to help me with another post that had been brewing in the Much Ado pot which will likely be posted here.
i used to think dating outside your race was bad when i was younger, mainly because i got 2 older sisters who told me to never bring home a woman of another race. but now that im older (and still single) my eyes have opened a little bit. dont get me wrong, i love black women, but im also willing to give another race a shot.
lol @ “black men repellent” i KNOW you got dudes breaking they necks to get with you!
*lol* Black Man Repellent? It’s funny that you should say that. I get the cat or booty calls from the brothers(a few)and have noticed that more men of another race are willing to take me out on a ‘real’ date,are clear about their interest and more interested in long term. I ,too, am okay with black guys dating outside their race - it’s none of my business but I have noticed the double standard.
In my experience, I’ve gotten the racist comments/dead pan stares from black guys(the worse?…old black men) when dating men of other race. I don’t think they want us to be alone but I think they’ve taken for granted that a lot of black women for a long time have always stuck behind the black man and refused to date outside their race. I think it’s just natural protectiveness/selfishness and curiosity..(i.e. why isn’t she waiting for a black man?). It’s something I try to understand a little but I need to live my life and be happy.
Not trying to be negative or bring the black man down but damn…they confuse me sometimes.
I married outside my race, and I don’t think the discussion is outdated. I was hesitant to start dating my husband, but I got over it and 9 years later, it can be a challenge at times, but for the most part it’s a marriage like any other one, with ups and downs. My biggest concern is that we don’t live in a very racially diverse area, so I wonder if my kids will be okay, but I think my son’s got bigger issues than his race to deal with, and my daughter is pretty loveable, so she should be fine. I’m glad you brought up the topic - it’s interesting to see the different viewpoints.
Black Male Repellent?????
THat is a good one. I agree with you about the double standard. Now that I have turned the big 30, I am realizing that you have to be open in seeking relationships.
I do not think that being in “LA” has anything to do with the BMR, it is spread across the country. I am in a urban city and I dont have brothers knocking down my door either.
A real conversation is why women that carry themselves with respect and class are single? While “hoodrats” have a flock of men? Maybe the key to getting a date from any man is having a bridge card. LOL
You are the best!
CT for Life
I could care less who anyone dates. I don’t care if the other person is black, blue, purple, green as long as they’re both happy.
I guess I am with Laurenr on this one. I do not care who dates who as long as they are happy. I see nothing wrong with interacial dating.
I hope I live to see the day when other people stay the hell out someone else’s business. It’s a free country and people can date whoever they want to. There is definitely a double standard with black men dating white women and black women dating white men. Black men seem to have a “problem” with it, but they can’t see anything wrong when they do it. I am a black women, graduate degree and have a professional career. I have been looking for a black man for six years and they are just not that easy to find. And when you do, they are interested in white women. It’s disgusting how black men won’t even acknowledge a black women these days. Example, I can be in a grocery store and look in the direction of a black man just to smile and say hello, and they turn their heads so fast like they are afraid you are trying to talk to them! And for the skeptics out there who don’t live it, go to a interracial dating site and you will see nothing but black men! If you are a black woman using online dating and wondering where all the black men are, check out the interracial dating sites as well. Because that’s where they are. So the nerve of black men having anything to say about who a balck women dates. The only person that should be juding ig God. People need to live and let live.
…exactly; they are using white women to fulfill their sense of inadequacy and the white women are falling right into the trap. Oh well, let them deal with these guys who are fundamentally disloyal. Let them sit around and deal with them and all of their problems. They always start off treating you like a queen, but mark my words….that disloyalty will rear it’s ugly head again….
Men don’t care whom you date. If there is a black man that is offended, charge it to the game. It really isn’t that big a deal.
If there is a double standard from my view its from black women!! I have been called a sellout, uncle tom, not being black enough because I have been with a white women for over 12 years and have been married to this same woman for the past 10 years!! We have 2 kids and could not be happier!! Honestly, I don’t think brothas have too much of a problem with it!! If they do…then its on them!! As for the sistas who roll their eyes at me and my family…….God Bless You because I am one happy man.
Hello,
My mother is black and my father is white. They got married in the 50’s when it wasn’t legal. They are now in their 70’s. I have two sisters and two brothers. My parents are so happy today, they are like two little love birds. My brothers and sisters and I are all doing quite well, there are many grandkids now and most of us attended Harvard.
When my parents were first married and young, they were very poor and ostracized by their families and society. It was awful how we have been treated by ignorant people off and on throughout our lives, but we know that is is mostly ignorance and conditioning from the institution of slavery and everything ‘taboo’ that came from it.
Really, the most love, honesty and truth has been from the love I’ve received from my parents.
People really need to get a grip, get it together and realize that Love had NO COLOR. Take it from me - I KNOW.