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Black in America: Interracial Dating; Let’s Talk

Filed under: Black Men, Dating, Men, relationships — hauteness at 10:16 pm on Thursday, July 24, 2008 Edit This

CNN Black in America

The reviews are in, and they’re mostly mixed. CNN’s“Black in America” special debuted last night. I don’t discuss race much here, mostly because it’s irrelevant (as far as my specific social culture- more specifically the ideals I ascribe to). But of course, race issue are very relevant in the overall scheme of things.

I won’t get too deep. But something came up in last night’s airing that got me thinking about my own life (and current “situations” I’m involved in). Discussing things on a large scale is fine, but I like to banter with people. Not about far off hypothetical, idealistic concepts, but how things really feel and seem to us – in real life.

Interracial dating: how do you feel about it? Living in the ethereal melting pot, one would think this is not an issue. I see far more interracial couple than I do of those belonging to the same race. For the most part, it doesn’t affect me. But living in a melting pot doesn’t mean that everyone is into the mixing and mingling thing. Quite the contrary. Los Angeles can be very segregated socially, demographically and idealistically.

Being a single girl, I choose not to close any doors. I date who I like, who I’m attracted to and who treats me well. That could be anyone. And since I seem to be a Black Man Repellent, what other choices do I have? Date outside of my race, or don’t date at all.

I’m going to be honest though. There is a very clear double standard. I can’t state the oppositions side of things. But from my personal experience Black men seem to take offense when Black women date outside of their race. I laugh at that (for many, many reasons).

I’m interested in hearing some global perspectives. How do you feel about interracial dating? Is the dialog dated and unnecessary? Or, do you just want to get it all out in the open once and for all? How is it looked upon in your culture/racial group? Or even your neck of the woods? Speak! Your opinions are going to help me with another post that had been brewing in the Much Ado pot which will likely be posted here.

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14 Comments »

824

Comment by Tyroc

July 24, 2008 @ 11:26 pm |Edit This

Black Man Repellent?

Not all black men take offense at sistas who date outside of their race anymore than sistas take offense at brothas who date outside of theirs…

I lived in Arizona for almost 13 years so I did date non sistas at some point…not that big of a deal…but that could have been because the Valley is a interracial hotspot and nobody cared. That made it easier to be with a non sista to give the relationship a chance and once the endorphin rush subsided, I found that I preferred being with black women because there’s nothing like a black woman…

829

Comment by bshepjr

July 25, 2008 @ 12:25 am |Edit This

i used to think dating outside your race was bad when i was younger, mainly because i got 2 older sisters who told me to never bring home a woman of another race. but now that im older (and still single) my eyes have opened a little bit. dont get me wrong, i love black women, but im also willing to give another race a shot.

lol @ “black men repellent” i KNOW you got dudes breaking they necks to get with you!

838

Comment by Preston

July 25, 2008 @ 2:07 am |Edit This

I think some of the “black man repellent” you’ve experienced is a function of you (us) being in Los Angeles. I’ve lived here and in San Diego for a few years now and the social/racial dynamic is really weird. If I threw you in Atlanta or DC right now, I’d be willing to bet that “repellent” would wash right the hell off…lol.

Cali and the West Hollywood/Santa Monica/Beverly Hills/Hollywood/Downtown areas especially still throw me for a loop every now and then. I can’t explain it.

And any brotha gettin mad at sistas dating outside the race is retarded (with apologies to actually retarded people). You can’t create Frankenstein and then get mad when he starts walking around (or banging white guys?).

Everybody should just date whomever you’re attracted to and treats you the way you want to be treated. It’s only a matter of time until everyone is beige anyway…

I ABSOLUTELY did not set out to write that much…

839

Comment by Pebo

July 25, 2008 @ 2:17 am |Edit This

*lol* Black Man Repellent? It’s funny that you should say that. I get the cat or booty calls from the brothers(a few)and have noticed that more men of another race are willing to take me out on a ‘real’ date,are clear about their interest and more interested in long term. I ,too, am okay with black guys dating outside their race - it’s none of my business but I have noticed the double standard.

In my experience, I’ve gotten the racist comments/dead pan stares from black guys(the worse?…old black men) when dating men of other race. I don’t think they want us to be alone but I think they’ve taken for granted that a lot of black women for a long time have always stuck behind the black man and refused to date outside their race. I think it’s just natural protectiveness/selfishness and curiosity..(i.e. why isn’t she waiting for a black man?). It’s something I try to understand a little but I need to live my life and be happy.

Not trying to be negative or bring the black man down but damn…they confuse me sometimes. :)

847

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July 25, 2008 @ 4:38 am |Edit This

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Comment by Autism Insights

July 25, 2008 @ 8:22 am |Edit This

I married outside my race, and I don’t think the discussion is outdated. I was hesitant to start dating my husband, but I got over it and 9 years later, it can be a challenge at times, but for the most part it’s a marriage like any other one, with ups and downs. My biggest concern is that we don’t live in a very racially diverse area, so I wonder if my kids will be okay, but I think my son’s got bigger issues than his race to deal with, and my daughter is pretty loveable, so she should be fine. I’m glad you brought up the topic - it’s interesting to see the different viewpoints.

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Comment by slb2u2(Shaton)

July 25, 2008 @ 8:30 am |Edit This

Black Male Repellent?????

THat is a good one. I agree with you about the double standard. Now that I have turned the big 30, I am realizing that you have to be open in seeking relationships.

I do not think that being in “LA” has anything to do with the BMR, it is spread across the country. I am in a urban city and I dont have brothers knocking down my door either.

A real conversation is why women that carry themselves with respect and class are single? While “hoodrats” have a flock of men? Maybe the key to getting a date from any man is having a bridge card. LOL

You are the best!

CT for Life

872

Comment by laurenr

July 25, 2008 @ 11:57 am |Edit This

I could care less who anyone dates. I don’t care if the other person is black, blue, purple, green as long as they’re both happy.

888

Comment by apathetic bliss

July 25, 2008 @ 6:40 pm |Edit This

it is interesting people’s reaction to interracial dating. To some it it such an affront to your “peops”that you could fall in love with someone who doesn’t look like you. I think that is crazy. One love one people…..but then this little white chick has a wonderful big brown man.

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Comment by blondiewrites

July 25, 2008 @ 9:33 pm |Edit This

I guess I am with Laurenr on this one. I do not care who dates who as long as they are happy. I see nothing wrong with interacial dating.

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Comment by Brooke

July 26, 2008 @ 2:30 pm |Edit This

(Just ran across your blog, love it)

I love that you are posing this question. As a career single woman (or so it should seem at this point), I am open to dating any race of man as long as we enjoy one another’s company, and he is a good, decent man. It helps if he’s tall and hot, too!

A few years ago I was dating this amazing black man (I am white.) He treated me like a queen and we had SO MUCH FUN together. Unfortunatley not long after we started dating a man who I had been intrested in for a long time asked me out, and it was obvious there was something serious there. Of course I was upfront with the man I had been dating. And he shocked the hell out of me by asking me, “What color is he?” I was floored! I asked him what the hell that had to do with anything. And he asked me again about his race. I told him he was white, but that had nothing to do with what was going on. I was amazed that in this day and age that the question would ever cross his mind. When someone breaks up with me for another woman, race is the last thing I ask about!

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Comment by LindaC

July 26, 2008 @ 6:40 pm |Edit This

I hope I live to see the day when other people stay the hell out someone else’s business. It’s a free country and people can date whoever they want to. There is definitely a double standard with black men dating white women and black women dating white men. Black men seem to have a “problem” with it, but they can’t see anything wrong when they do it. I am a black women, graduate degree and have a professional career. I have been looking for a black man for six years and they are just not that easy to find. And when you do, they are interested in white women. It’s disgusting how black men won’t even acknowledge a black women these days. Example, I can be in a grocery store and look in the direction of a black man just to smile and say hello, and they turn their heads so fast like they are afraid you are trying to talk to them! And for the skeptics out there who don’t live it, go to a interracial dating site and you will see nothing but black men! If you are a black woman using online dating and wondering where all the black men are, check out the interracial dating sites as well. Because that’s where they are. So the nerve of black men having anything to say about who a balck women dates. The only person that should be juding ig God. People need to live and let live.

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July 28, 2008 @ 1:55 pm |Edit This

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Comment by dren

August 23, 2008 @ 8:35 pm |Edit This

…exactly; they are using white women to fulfill their sense of inadequacy and the white women are falling right into the trap. Oh well, let them deal with these guys who are fundamentally disloyal. Let them sit around and deal with them and all of their problems. They always start off treating you like a queen, but mark my words….that disloyalty will rear it’s ugly head again….

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