Single in L.A.

photo: PR Web
After four years of marriage to NFLer Chris Howard, the couple called it quits in 2005. Since then Gabby has been living the single life – and enjoying it. She’s been picture partying everywhere from Hollywood to Miami and even abroad. Though she’s been rumored as dating the likes of Derek Jeter, Hill Harper and more recently NFL’s Darren Sharper and NBA star Jason Kidd, she’s keeping it under wraps. When interviewed during the filming of Tyler Perry’s Daddy’s Little Girls, by Black Film Union gave this little tidbit about choosing wisely:

…we have this idea that they should come from “this” kind of family and have “this” many zeros at the end of their paycheck and awhite horse or a white Porsche or whatever. And we forget that we always say ‘I want a good man!’ Well okay, good men are everywhere– they might not have all of the other trappings but if you really are being honest, and what you want is a good man, they’re everywhere.

Okay Gabby…

Anyway Gabrielle Union is living Single in L.A. She can be seen next in Fox’s July 11^th summer release of Meet Dave starring Eddie Murphy.

Well, really it’s my own Golden Rule when it comes to dating. And I really think men need to pay close attention: Slow down!

Pretty simple right? So simple that you read too much into what it means and jump the gun anyway. Like thinking that “slow down” coming from a woman means we like playing games. Or we expect too much; more than we deserve “at this point.” What I’d like to know is what’s your rush? I’m speaking to grown men when I write these words. Not 30 year old boys (adult in age, but not mentally mature). Not 21 year old college fraters that want to boink everything walking (though they should take heed too). So if you’re not mentally there yet, come back once you’ve learned from some experiences.

When I did my “research” amongst my male friends and they told me they needed help I considered each source separately. These were educated, good looking, hard working cool guys that I love hanging out with, talking to and just generally shooting the shit with.. Some of them said they’re sick of women trying to get something for nothing – i.e. using them just to get a free meal. To that I say: choose more wisely. You’re rushing up to a pretty face and not getting to know what the entire package consists of. Pretty faces don’t amount to much at the end of the day. The things you talked about in those long phone and text conversations should have told you where her head was, then no one is using anyone because both parties’ expectations are clear.

But that takes too much time for you, no?

If you are a quality man, meeting quality women then you BOTH deserve a quality dating experience. So slow it down. Stop trying to boink us on the first date! Stop sending lascivious text messages WAY TOO EARLY IN THE COURTSHIP. Sorry, I don’t mean to yell (or get too personal).

What I’ve been running to since I move to L.A. is the following:

1. Meet a guy. He thinks I’m great (because I actually AM). He tries to snatch me up really fast without really trying to see if I’m great FOR HIM. We fizzle after 6 months.
2. Meet a guy. He doesn’t even take the time to see how great I am. Instead he engages me in empty, fluff talk for a few days then asks when I’m going to “pay him a visit.” Uh, never! You haven’t even bought me a freaking chicken wing and found out my last name over aforementioned chicken wing yet you want me to “come hang at your place? Next.
3. Meet a guy. He sees I’m great, yet he uses the same tactics on me that he uses on not-so-great-still-have-a-lot-of-growing-up-to-do girls. We both miss out on something potentially great because the wrong tactics are being used.
4. This is my favorite: Meet a guy, chat it up and make advanced plans. Go out for a burrito dinner (eh hem) and dude tries to boink me that night! Whoa! What’s your rush?
5. Meet a nice guy. He actually does take it slow. So slow that he’s afraid of me. “What’s wrong? Is everything okay? Did I come on too strong? Not strong enough?” Dude, calm down! We’re testing the waters.

All these males, and many others, were in a rush. A rush to snatch me up, not knowing if they could even meet the challenge that “snatching Haute up” entails. A rush to bed me down so they could either put me on Booty Buddy status or move on to the next conquest. Just a rush in general. And for what?

My point is take it easy. Ask the right questions. Use that preliminary dating time to find our if you actually should be going further. Take a little time to work out your game plan. My personal preliminary time: 3 dates and then I re-evaluate so as not to waste any valuable time. I come with an entire set of rules, actually, but this post isn’t about me. I just don’t think enough men employ some type of evaluation and react accordingly. And thinking with the wrong head could get you in some pretty hairy situations.

Fall back a little. Enjoy dating. I mean, I did just teach you what to do, after all!